Live Well

Summertime Strategy

COACH KAREN — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 04:24:00 GMT

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."
J~ohn Lubbock

"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world."
~Ada Louise Huxtable

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Summertime, and the livin' is easy. Really? Most people I know would sing that song as "Summertime, and the livin' is crazy!" Routines are disrupted as kids are out of school, family vacations are in the works, and there's far too much fun stuff to do to stay focused for long! Summer has the advantage of more sun, more fun activities, and more fresh food. Yet summer is a time that I see people become stressed and distracted because of the many activities competing for their time and attention. I still sometimes fall into the trap of looking at the list of summer concerts, exhibits, and community activities, thinking THIS is the year I'll find a way to fit it all in! Then somehow the next thing I know it's September and I wonder where the time went. Has that ever happened to you?!

Knowing how busy the summer always is, this is a great time of year to practice some energizing self- care so you have the energy and health to enjoy all those marvelous activities. Everyone I know keeps track of their money, and they don't let people just take it from them haphazardly. Yet when it comes to time and energy - the REAL stuff of life fulfillment - many people are careless. I know people who attend events because they feel obligated, even though they know they won't enjoy it. I know people who allow negative and draining people into their lives in the name of "friendship" or "family," and feel trapped in those situations. And I know people who race from one event or activity to another, not really enjoying any of them fully, and feeling exhausted at the end of the day. What's the Summertime Strategy to help you with this challenge? Charge up your "batteries" to enjoy your summer!

We all have different types of energy that combine to help us be at our best: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. One of the best books on how to manage these 4 types of energy is The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. I have more resources about this subject in the Fanning the Flames section below. Think of these 4 types of energy like the battery in your car. If the battery becomes too drained, you can't get started! Conversely, when the battery is fully charged and ready to go, the car starts right up, even in the toughest of situations. Imagine waking each day "charged up" and ready to go in the morning. How great would that be?! It's all a matter of energy management.

To create your summertime strategy, always begin with managing your physical energy. Without it, you don't have the physical health and stamina to support the other types of energy. Charging up your "physical batteries" includes getting enough sleep (this is a big challenge in the summer, based on feedback from my clients), getting consistent exercise ("weekend warriors" who rest on the couch throughout the week don't qualify!), eating high-quality food to fuel all those activities, and recognizing your triggers for stress. Find ways to laugh - it's the fastest healthy energy jolt I know. And finally, notice where your energy goes, and figure out ways to keep it from "leaking" out of your life.

Next, be aware of how you're managing your mental energy. Our fast-paced demanding lifestyles are often too much for our brains to handle. We recognize that our bodies can't go forever without a rest, yet we don't offer the same grace to our brains! Charging up your "mental batteries" includes taking "time out" moments throughout the day to refocus. Use different senses or focus areas through the day. For example, if you've been writing a report or a newsletter for an hour (using memory and language centers in the brain), recharge by talking to a coworker about scheduling your project work together (using verbal and planning centers in the brain) or by taking a quick walk around the building to clear the mind entirely. Music can be rejuvinating, as can exercise. Rituals can also help with focus, creativity, or other mental processes. Elite tennis players with a "centering" ritual between points were more likely to win, all other factors being equal. Invent a mental recharge ritual that works for you and then put reminders in your environment to practice that ritual on a consistent basis.

People are often surprised when I mention focusing on emotional energy. By intentionally choosing your emotional states (rather than having emotions happen TO you), you can much more effectively manage energy. People who can manage their emotional states are more resilient and can connect with others more fully and effectively. People with strong emotional energy have greater self- confidence. For example, remember a time when you felt great, everything was going your way, and you were on a clear path. What kind of energy did you have then? What obstacles were you able to overcome? How could you recreate that same kind of energy and momentum right now? Other ways to charge your "emotional batteries" are to spend time with those you love, laugh, go to movies that allow you to fully experience and express emotions, be grateful, or remember a time that is special and cherish it.

Spiritual energy is the energy that comes from connection to a deeply held set of values and to a purpose beyond our self-interest. This is often referred to as "the human spirit" which allows you to put your life in proper perspective, to see a greater meaning, and to find ways to serve and connect in your world. Ways to recharge your "spiritual batteries" are meditation, prayer, being in nature, participating in spiritual rituals meaningful for you, or giving of yourself (such as volunteering). For some people "spiritual" means something associated with religion, and for others, "spiritual" is something entirely different. The real key with spiritual energy is to find your way that works best for you.

Make this a summer to remember by creating a Summertime Strategy. Be the very best person you can be in all that you do, by taking care of YOU and your four types of energy: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. What is YOUR Summertime Strategy?

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For more information about The Power of Full Engagement and managing your energy, visit The Google Book Search

A resource for combining emotional and physical is Laughter Yoga (no joke!).
Here's the website:
http://www.laughteryoga.org/
There are laughter clubs in 40 countries around the world. Check it out!

If you're looking for ways to explore different forms of spirituality,
www.Beliefnet.com is a great place to start. You can even take an assessment
to see what world religions most closely match YOUR beliefs. It's a non-
biased look at many religious and spiritual practices.

"The Four Hour Work Week

COACH KAREN — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 04:19:00 GMT

Today's "article" is about a book that suddenly came to my attention from a
couple of different directions this week. Timothy Ferriss is the author of "The Four Hour Work Week." At the ripe old age of 29, he has done more than most of us can imagine in an entire lifetime. He talks about "lifestyle design," a process of getting really clear about what you want, and then finding creative ways to take steps toward that lifestyle. Ferriss suggests the little things you can do to save time, focus your energy, and create the lifestyle you want. He probably didn't decide when he was 20 to do all the things he has done. He let life's experiences guide him, one step at a time. This is a person who lives the motto of "you have to be moving to steer." Check out his website: http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/
or blog.

You Have to be Moving to Steer

COACH KAREN — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 04:06:00 GMT

"The rules of reality can be bent. It just requires thinking in different terms."
~Timothy Ferriss

"Take time to deliberate but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in."
~Andrew Jackson

"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Have you ever imagined doing something wonderful or daring or important - and then you over-analyzed it to the point that you gave up before you even got started? I certainly have! It's like there's a part of me that wants to stomp on the accelerator and take me to places I've never been before. Then there's that other part that says "oh NO!" and slams on the brake! That other part wants to think it over, to keep me safe, to wallow in "analysis paralysis" and distractions. When I first thought about leaving the computer industry to become a coach, a part of me was so excited about the possibilities: helping people overcome obstacles and live life fully, having the freedom to set my own hours, learning about how the human mind operates instead of how a computer operates. How fascinating! Directly on the heels of those thoughts came, "You can't make a living at that!" "You're too old for that kind of change" and all sorts of crazy thoughts. There was my "security guard," on duty to keep me safe from myself!

In my work with people from around the world, I can tell you that this is a universal tendency. At one time this safety mechanism probably helped to save our ancestors from being eaten by the saber-toothed tiger. However, that same safety mechanism today just serves to hold us back from our dreams. So what can a modern-day person do with their old-fashioned fears? One answer, too often chosen, is to listen to your "security guard" and stay stuck. Another option is to say "just do it" and try to power through the fear. This works for a few, but not many. Or, as an alternative, you can try out my approach: You have to be moving to steer. I know it's not as as "just do it," but I found it served me well when I was becoming a coach, and in every important change since then.

Have you ever tried to turn the wheels of a stopped car? It's hard! Yet when the car is moving even just a little, it's easy to turn the wheel. What does this have to do with following your dreams? What often stops people is the thought that they have to know HOW to do it all right now. They know WHAT they want, but their minds are filled will questions about HOW to make that dream a reality. The trick is, you can't possibly know how to do it from the place you are today. It's like driving in the dark: you can only see a certain distance ahead using your headlights. Yet you can drive for hundreds of miles just by seeing ahead only a few feet at a time.

Pursuing your goals and dreams is a lot like that. Today, you can't imagine where the road will take you tomorrow, but you have to be moving to find out. Take the first action to start down the road, and from that action, you'll get feedback on where to steer next. Very early in my coaching career I imagined what my business would be like, yet I had no idea how to make that vision happen. So I took it one step at a time. I paid attention to the signs along the way, and I steered in the direction that seemed best to get me to the ultimate goal. Today I can't really tell you how I got here -which clever choices or brave actions made the difference. I just know that somehow I ended up right where I wanted to be. I have talked with people who accomplished amazing things in their lives about this concept. Each one said that when they started the journey, they had no idea of the person they would become as a result. They just continued to take action, and steered the best way they knew how at the time. You don't have to be moving fast, but you do have to be moving to steer.

What about you and your big dream? You'll never get there until you start moving. You can't possibly know from your current perspective what you'll need tomorrow for the journey. But I promise that as soon as you start moving, you'll be able to steer your way to that place. What is just one simple step to begin your journey today?

What I Learned from my Computer

COACH KAREN — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 18:01:00 GMT

"In a world that is constantly changing, there is no one subject or set of subjects that will serve you for the foreseeable future, let alone for the rest of your life. The most important skill to acquire now is learning how to learn."
John Naisbett

"Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself."
Robert Collier

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I recently purchased a new computer. My old laptop was five years old which I think is equivalent to about 108 in computer-years. And it was running like it was about 108: it had alzheimer's when it came to some of my appointments, it often became distracted and confused when executing a command, and the greater the hurry I was in, the slower it seemed to go. It was time to put the old processor out to pasture.

And so it was with a combination of anticipation and trepidation that I awaited the new computer. My anticipation was for the "lightening fast processor" that sounded like one of the smart robots out of Star Wars. My trepidation was from the fact that our friends at Microsoft have made it virtually impossible to buy a new PC without Vista. "You WILL buy Vista and you WILL like it!" seemed to be the edict. As I went through this process of purchasing and converting to my new computer, the many opportunities to be delighted and dismayed, I realized that there were many life lessons to be learned from this process. Whether you have a new computer in your near future, or you're just trying to get through life day-by-day, I hope you find these lessons from my computer experience helpful.

To summarize:
Lesson #1: Know what you want, and expect more
Lesson #2: Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, and know when to find a new game
Lesson #3: Learning can put the magic back in life
Lesson #4: Sometimes you've just gotta "reboot"
Lesson #5: Got help?

Lesson #1: Know what you want, and expect more
The first step to buy a new computer, and one of the hardest in my view, is knowing what you want. How will you use the computer, what functions do you want to perform, how long do you plan to keep it? I was forced to think about how I currently used my computer, and to anticipate my future. Hmmm. Sounds a bit like my coaching: What's working, what do you wish to be different, what do you need to do differently, and how do you envision your future with this change. The next step in the process was to find out what was available for the functions I wanted to perform. I kept inquiring and researching how else I could get a function, or what other software was available that might be cheaper or more fully- functioned. For example, through my definition of needs and willingness to expect more, I found free software that performed the same function as the $300 software I had been researching. When you're looking at a next step or a goal, know clearly what you want AND expect more. You just might get it!

Lesson #2: Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, and know when to find a new game
It's said that a key to winning in poker is knowing when to "hold" and when to "fold." Know when to believe fully in your position no matter what, and when to let go and move on to the next hand. Obviously there are risks and trade-offs with each position. In buying a new computer, I learned there are times to "hold" on your position, times to "fold" and move on, and times to create a new game that gives you a better chance to "win." Have you either stuck with a certain position too long and regretted it, or just given in too quickly? Me too. And I also learned that there's almost always a third alternative: create a new game! A couple of weeks before my new computer arrived I was given a free handheld computer - a cool, used Palm Pilot. I couldn't wait to start using it with my new computer. The new computer arrived with Vista installed. Guess what? After a couple of hours of struggle and "chats" with "it's-not-our-problem" technical support from each company involved, I realized I needed a new game. I realized I could buy a brand new, even cooler handheld, for the equivalent of a couple hours of my time. I made a choice to find a new alternative. When you find yourself in a double- bind, know when it's right to "hold," "fold," or find a new game.

Lesson #3: Learning can put the magic back in life
After five years of using the same computer, I was pretty set in my ways. I knew how to do everything I needed to do, and I was very efficient (even if my computer wasn't!). When the new computer arrived with Vista installed, everything looked different. There were new menus, new defaults, new icons. Yikes! My first reaction was frustration. Computers are supposed to make you MORE efficient, not less, I believed. Then I remembered how fulfilling the process of learning is. When I gave up my resistance, I found some exciting new features that made me more efficient. I took the time to research funny little buttons that magically showed my the old style of menus, so I can resort to the old way of doing things when I need to. I even found some of the "wow" features Microsoft claims. My shift in attitude to find the magic in the new system, instead of lamenting the old way, really changed the way I worked and how I felt. Think about how you can put the magic back in your life by being a beginner again, letting go of your resistance to "wasting time" or needing to have the answer, and explore the possibilities.

Lesson #4: Sometimes you've just gotta "reboot"
When I was first setting up my computer and installing new software, it frequently reminded me that to recognize the new features I needed to "reboot" the computer. The reboot allows the computer to go through its standard set-up instructions and know how to use the new applications or additions. I thought about how I go through my day, from one thing to the next, often not stopping to "reset" myself and get back to the most basic "instructions" of how I want to live my life. What if we remembered that when we get stressed, overwhelmed, or lost in our daily lives, that we can always "reboot" too? We can go back to our basic values, principles, standards of behavior, and identity of who we are. And when we do that, we can address each new "application" or challenge with a fresh perspective.

Lesson #5: Got help?
There's no trademark moustache with this slogan, but getting help with my computer was a great reminder that we need a daily dose of this. I called on resources for experience with buying computers and enlisted a friend to help with the wireless connectivity. The project was so much easier, much more fun, and infinitely less stressful knowing that I had friends and resources to call upon. We often get into the mode of doing it all ourselves, or waiting until we're overwhelmed and frustrated to ask for help. Get in the habit of seeking help and support from others, and looking for ways to give help. The cycle of serving and receiving is one of the most powerful opportunities in life.

I'm sure that I'll continue to learn more from my experience with my computer over the years. And when it comes time to do the same thing again, I'll remind myself that no matter what the challenges, there's always something to learn and a good topic for a newsletter right around the corner!

The Language of Your Life

COACH KAREN — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:29:00 GMT

"Keep your thoughts positive, as your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny."
~Mahatma Gandhi

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly
endless."
~Mother Teresa of Calcutta

"The labels we put on our experience become our experience."
~David Rock in "Quiet Leadership"

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"I can't believe I did that!" "What's wrong with me?" "Why can't I figure this out?" "What if I fail?" Do any of these statements sound familiar? I certainly catch myself saying these things to myself sometimes. Most people say things to themselves that they would NEVER say to anyone else, even their worst enemy! This issue of The Spark is about the power of language, and the importance of learning to shift your thinking to create a new, more empowered future.

Researchers estimate that we have 50,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. That's a busy brain! We also know that the vast majority of these thoughts are the same ones we had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Yet if we want tomorrow to be different than yesterday, we have to THINK differently. What are your habitual thought patterns? You may never have thought about your thoughts before! To begin this process, make a point of observing your thoughts for at least a day. You can set a watch or timer to go off several times a day to remind you to observe your thoughts. Another option is to notice any time you react to something, or you notice your energy changing.

Whatever the trigger, observe and write down what you were thinking about, what you were feeling, and what was happening at the time. If you want a worksheet to do this, email me and I'll send you one. Once you have observed your thinking, you'll be able to see patterns that are very enlightening!

As more research is being done on how we think and how we create habits, we're learning some very exciting things. David Rock, in his book "Quiet Leadership," describes the process of turning thoughts into habits as taking the time and energy to "deepen and broaden" the neurological links in ou brains. And the way we do that is through thinking and feeling. The more positive and emotional the thoughts, the faster and deeper they anchor in our brains. Think about the song you associate with the first time you fell in love. Regardless of how long ago that event was, I'll bet you remember that song in amazing detail. Think about the strongest memories you have, and the way you describe those events. What language do you use?

So what does this have to do with the Language of your Life? Language is the foundation of those 50,000 thoughts per day, and emotion is associated with language. To illustrate, read these statements carefully, as if you were saying these things to yourself:
I'm so overwhelmed
I'll try
If only it was different
I should do that
I doubt that I can do that
I feel so guilty
I'm sick and tired of this

How do you feel after reading and thinking about those words? How often do you use these words and others like them in your life?

In contrast, carefully read the next list of statements:
It's easy
I'm so grateful
There are several possibilities
I'm happy and at peace
I can do anything I want
I'm free to do what is best for me
I can handle anything that comes my way

How do you feel after reading and thinking about those words. How often do you use these words and others like them?

We all have a combination of these thoughts. The power is in learning that you can SHIFT your negative thinking - to focus and direct your thought process - through your language. As in the quote above, when you change your thoughts, you change your words, which changes your behavior, which ultimately changes the results you create in life. For example, what are your "power words?" I love words like "unstoppable," "possibilities," and "irresistable." I've sought to erase words like "try" and "should" from my language.

As a coach, I can hear the energy people have in different words. The contrast between the words in the two lists above is dramatic. If you want to play with this for yourself, ask a friend to listen for the words you use in your next conversation. What do you say when your energy increases, and what do you say when your energy dips? Choose to practice some new empowering words and see what happens. And remember, the more time and energy you put into this process, the wider and deeper the new associations in your brain.

The next time you say negative things to yourself, or you label your experience in a way that doesn't serve you, ask yourself, "What kind of life does this language create?" Make a point of choosing the Language of Your Life.

Just Imagine

COACH KAREN — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 16:45:00 GMT

“Everything you can imagine is real.”
Pablo Picasso

“All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
Albert Einstein

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When I was a kid, I played all sorts of games of imagination. I could be any profession that was interesting. I could own anything I dreamed of. And I could travel to any place in the universe. Then I became a young adult and it was time to "get practical" about my future. Dreaming and imagination were relegated to my "spare time," which diminished rapidly as I got older!

But now I understand the immeasurable value of imagination. It isn't frivolity or being unrealistic. I realize it's the beginning of the creation process - it's the spark that ignites possibilities in our lives. At one time, curing disease and sending people into space was pure imagination. Now we take it for granted. Imagination is always available to us, and actually is always present.

And now the science is catching up with our imaginations! Scientists are now able to watch our brains work (that can be a scary thought!) and are making amazing discoveries. For example, imagining that you are seeing something that fires off the same pattern of neurons as if you physically saw the item. We know that the more you imagine something, and the more senses you use to imagine it (see, smell, hear, etc.) the more new neurological connections are formed, and the more your brain supports that imagined scenario in your mind. Just imagine: daydreaming is forming new neurological associations in your brain!

So how can you use imagination in your life? First, make the time, even in little segments, to allow your imagination to "take flight." Don't limit your imagination to "practical" things - let that imagination take you to exciting possibilities.

Second, imagine those possibilities with every one of your senses. What does that imagined situation look like, what do you hear, what do you smell, what do you taste, what are you feeling? Make it as real as you can, and amplify it so that the emotion intensifies. If that imagined situation is exciting, what could you add to make it even more exciting, even more dramatic and memorable? The more emotion, and the more thoughts, the more new and strong connections you'll create to that situation in your mind. It's actually beginning the process of making that thing physically real in your brain.

Next, write down as much of that imagined situation as you can. Include what your senses detected, and how it all felt. Play it like a movie, and write each of the steps. This is the second step of making imagination real. Now there's even more substance to your imagined situation. Engaging the body creates even more and different types of neurological connections.

If you can, find someone to tell your story to. Don't let them judge it or change it, just ask them to participate as if it had already happened. Ask them to share your emotions, whether it's joy, excitement, love, whatever. Now you've anchored this even more fully in your brain, and you've made it real in yet another way. The key here is not to let yourself or anyone else block the positive thoughts and energy, but to treat it as reality.

And finally, ask yourself what one thing you could do to continue to move this dream forward in the traditional, physical way. Even the smallest step of doing some research, learning a skill, or contacting a person, can continue the process of making imagination a reality.

I have my own example of turning imagination into reality. When I first decided to become a coach I was working a 45+ hour-a-week job. With the additional activities of coaching school and starting to coach my own clients, I found myself running about 16 hours a day. I wrote down "my ideal day," where I imagined having time to myself, coaching a little, writing a little, spending time with friends, etc. My dream was about as far from reality as one could imagine. In my frantic situation, I put the exercise away and forgot about it. One year later, as I was sitting in my home office doing exactly what I had described in my ideal day, I realized what had happened. I had created my ideal lifestyle without even realizing it! I had forgotten about the exercise, but my brain hadn't lost the associations I created by doing the exercise. One thought at a time, one choice at a time, one action at a time, I had turned imagination into reality.

What is YOUR dream, that you haven't even imagined yet? By all means, take some time and just imagine!

On Meditation

COACH KAREN — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 16:35:00 GMT

"Karen challenged me to write a description of meditation - in 200 words or less! I’ve been studying and practicing Buddhism and meditation for over 30 years now and I find, fortunately, less words are probably best. As for meditation, despite the trend to see it as a way to attain a desired state of mind and body, to reduce stress and become some sort of serene person, these states are actually side effects of the practice. Meditation as a method helps bring forth the inherent clarity or unconfused intelligence of mind that all human beings possess. It is both a means of training the mind in gentleness and precision, as well as a way to uncover the brilliance and sanity that we all have. By practicing meditation one can form a relationship with the wakefulness, clarity and energy in every situation. Through meditation, one may develop a clarity and stability of mind to see the wakeful possibilities in present situations. From the point of view of meditation, the present situation is in fact sacred, without reliance on any religiosity. The sacred ordinary. So it’s not necessary to create a better state. Everything needed is already present and meditation is the tool for recognizing that."
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If you want to take the next step to try meditation, consider a class. Phil will be teaching meditation classes in Denver through the Colorado Free University (for information: www.freeu.com/catalog.html\) this Winter and Spring, one entitled "Secular Enlightenment" and the other, "Sitting Like Buddha." Both will be conducted at the Denver Shambhala Center, at 2305 South Syracuse Way (http://www.shambhaladenver.org/).

He will also be teaching "Living and Dying— the Tibetan Buddhist View of the Equality of Life and Death" starting February 22 and running for six weeks, through Naropa University in Boulder. You can visit their site here.

The Power of Presence

COACH KAREN — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 16:28:00 GMT

“The Master leads by emptying people's minds and filling their cores, by weakening their ambition and toughening their resolve. He helps people lose everything they know, everything they desire, and creates confusion in those that think that they know. Practice not-doing and everything will fall into place. ”
~The Tao Te Ching, interpretation by Stephen Mitchell

“Life lived amidst tension and busyness needs leisure. Leisure that recreates and renews. Leisure should be a time to think new thoughts, not ponder old ills.”
~C. Neil Strait
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone where, even though they looked you in the eye and nodded their head, you knew they weren't fully "there" with you? Some part of them was doing the socially-acceptable behavior, but you felt slighted or dismissed in some way? Or have you ever asked someone a question, then by the time they answered the question, you had forgotten what you asked? With our busy lifestyles, and the many things we demand our minds to keep track of, it's no wonder we all "check out" sometimes.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others is the gift our our presence - the full force of who we are. The power of presence is bringing all of your capabilities and resources to the present moment. For example, think of the difference in power between a spray mist of water, the spray from a garden hose, or the spray from a firehose. It's all water traveling through the air, but a firehose has much more of an impact than mist. When your attention is diffused, you have much less impact than when you are focused and mindful.

Lately people seem to pride themselves on the ability to multi-task. Why get only one thing done, when you can get four things done at the same time? And that doesn't just go for tasks - it goes for relationships too. I'm amazed how often I see people who are together, yet they're taking to others on cell phones! They are diffusing the power of their presence by directing their focus to multiple places.

When successful people have something important to accomplish, they focus. Watch an elite athlete, a top musician or performer, or a great parent, when they are "in the game." There's an air of intensity, a focusing of energy, that is observable at many levels. How often do YOU focus your attention and your energy in that way? I find that I have to bring that kind of energy and attention to write this newsletter, and I can't always do it on demand (unfortunately - but I'm working on it!). If you have that same challenge, here are some tips:

Practice focusing. Set the time on your watch, or choose an activity where you make the choice to fully bring all of you to the activity. See how long you can hold your attention fully. Practice making that time longer and longer.
Engage in activities that train you to focus. Meditation, martial arts, and yoga are just a few examples. Studies on the physiology and electrical activity of human brains shows that we truly change the physical make-up of our brains with sustained focus. New neural pathways are created every time we focus our thinking. What kind of pathways are YOU creating each day?!
Engage your senses. We're often so "in our heads," thinking about the past and the future, that we fail to observe the amazing things happening around us in every moment. To be more present, look around you as if seeing it for the first time. What do you smell? What do you hear when you listen really carefully? Use your senses to force yourself out of the pattern of thought, and into some new patterns of observation.
Notice your thoughts. How many of your thoughts at this moment are really about NOW, and how many of them are about the past or the future? How many are affirmative, and how many are negative or disempowering? Notice what you generally talk about with others as part of this process too. Since the now is the only place you can have an impact, what will you choose now?

The list of ways you can practice great presence goes on, but for now, practice a few things to bring your focus, attention, and energy to this moment, and notice what happens (part of being present too!). You will be amazed at the Power of Your Presence.

Habits for the New Year

COACH KAREN — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 16:24:00 GMT

A new year means the beginning of a lot of new things. It could mean new ways of thinking, new habits, and new attitudes.

When we start something new it means we have to let go of something old. What are you letting go of that is staying behind in 2006? When you ponder on what you are letting go of it gives new meaning to what you are inviting in as your new beginning. Understanding what you are letting go of on a deep level can make it easier to move forward with new ways of being.

The following habits might be something you are letting go of in 2006:

Bringing in the mail from the mailbox and putting it on the first surface you see.
When papers pile up, putting the piles of papers in a box or a bin to get it off the floor.
Taking on too many projects without the time to complete them.
Changing purses so many times, you aren’t sure which one you are carrying today.

These are just examples of some great things to leave behind. They might follow you into 2007. Habits have a time to be in our lives just like stuff does. There is a time to let them go and you will know when you are ready.

Have a fun and loving Holiday season. Take that habit with you into 2007!!

Visit Elsa at All in Good Order

Are You Waiting to Win the Lottery?

COACH KAREN — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 17:10:00 GMT

“Life is like a hand of cards. You have to play the hand you're dealt, you can't win by folding, and sometimes you must take chances in order to win.”
~Mike Conner
“He who trusts all things to chance, makes a lottery of his life.”
~Proverb

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How are you planning for your success in 2007? This is the time of year we hear about New Years resolutions and the statistics around follow-through. Studies have found that 23% of resolutions are abandoned in the first week, and by the end of the month, 45% have given up. Based on the crowds at my health club, it appears that February is the big threshold for many! What causes that burst of optimism and hope to wane so quickly? I believe that one factor is the “lottery mentality” that so many of us have. We want the quick fix – the answer that doesn’t require too much time, trouble, or effort. If someone else would just give us the answer to our challenges, life would be great.

Here’s an example: a survey done in 2004 by a financial organization found that 27% of Americans thought that playing the lottery was their best chance of gaining $500,000 in their lifetime. Among low-income respondents, as many as 50% thought those games of chance were their best ticket to a bright future. Yet the odds of winning with any particular ticket are close to 1 in 10 million to 20 million. Americans spend about $45 billion dollars per year on the hopes of winning a new future.

Some people say that what they spend on lottery tickets wouldn’t make that much difference anyway. I did my own little calculation. If you saved just $5 per day (skipping the fancy coffee, taking your lunch vs eating out, etc.) at the end of the year you would have $1750 A small chunk of change. If you invested that at 10% with only annual compounding, and kept investing that $5 a day for 5 years, you would have about $13,500. That small difference of $5 each day begins adding up with a little persistence and focus.

Diet plans are a similar concept (stay with me for a moment while I tie the two together!). Authors and businesses have made billions on our hopes and dreams of the “right” health answer. We play the “diet lottery” with grapefruit diets, blood type diets, and all other schemes that promise a new future. Yet our nation is fatter than ever before. What do people who are lean and healthy do? They “own” their health by watching what they eat and exercising. Not fancy, but effective!

My point here is that so many of us hope that someone else has the answer for our future. Yet each of us is the only one who can truly plan and direct our future. And NOBODY will take care of you the way you can, especially when you choose to empower yourself. There is no fast, easy answer. And even the lottery winners who thought the lottery was answer, often found it was the path to misery, not happiness.

So this year, don’t wait to win the Lottery to begin your bright future. Resolve to be in charge of your own life! Resolve to create a plan that puts you in control of your future. Here are some ideas:

Resolve to put the time and attention into planning your future – visioning and imagining how to make your life in 2007, and beyond, YOUR masterpiece. The best investment of your time and money is in yourself: your well-being and continual learning.
Remember resilience. Resilience has two meanings. First, it’s the ability to recover readily, such as from an illness or misfortune. So resilience is great when you need to bounce back from a disappointment or setback. Second, resilience is “returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched.” Resilience, therefore, is what challenges you to sustain a change. Like a rubber band that snaps back to its smaller shape, you will have a tendency to return to your place of comfort. So be patient and persistent with yourself, knowing it will take time to make your life changes a natural part of who you are.
Make a plan. Waiting for the lottery makes planning easy – you just buy a ticket each week. But “owning” your future requires thinking about some steps, even small ones like the $5 a day example, that will move you to the future you desire. A concept I’ve borrowed from Tony Robbins is “3 to Thrive.” Identify 3 things that you can do, no matter what, that will keep you progressing toward your goal. Identify a “3 to Thrive” for each goal. Your 3 for health might be drinking at least 64 ounces of water a day, getting some form of exercise daily, and taking your supplements. Then, no matter how crazy your schedule, you have a few things that you can do daily that will keep you moving toward your goal.
Celebrate even the smallest accomplishments. Just doing your “3 to Thrive” may be an accomplishment some days! The mood lift you will get by celebrating will help you stay on course.
Resolve to stay the course, no matter what. Keep your 2007 vision and plans in front of you, even when it seems like things aren’t working out. If it’s more painful NOT to follow through than to follow through, you’ll be on your way to success.
Get support. You hear this from me all the time, but I believe that having a team to support you can make the difference between success and failure. Find a buddy, hire a personal trainer or financial planner, hire a coach, do whatever it takes to get and keep your momentum. As a new way to support my clients in big action and big results, I’m offering a new program: 100% Commitment. See the Burning Brightly section below for more details.

This is YOUR life – you are worth the investment. Don’t wait for someone else to have the answers for you. Consider making plans for 2007 that empower and inspire you, rather than the traditional types of resolutions. You have everything you need to be successful RIGHT NOW! I wish you a prosperous and joyful 2007.

Happy RE-New Year

COACH KAREN — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 00:26:00 GMT

“We need quiet time to examine our lives openly and honestly. . . spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.”
~Susan Taylor

“Life lived amidst tension and busyness needs leisure. Leisure that recreates and renews. Leisure should be a time to think new thoughts, not ponder old ills.”
~C. Neil Strait

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Ahhh! The sights, sounds, smells, and activities of the Holiday Season! Some people are energized and uplifted by the season. But for many, the holiday lifestyle of too much to do, too much stress, too much food, and not enough rest, rejuvenation or exercise takes its toll. First there’s the decadence of Thanksgiving, then the December holiday parties, rich food, shopping, being around relatives, and maybe even travel. Like a tired runner trying to reach the finish line, we then see New Years coming up on us. More parties, people, and food! As a result, many people start the New Year tired, stressed, and sick. Then it’s time for . . . you guessed it! New Years Resolutions! Is it any wonder, given that start to the year, that our ambitious January plans have faded by the middle of February?

This issue of the Spark seeks to shift that thinking. How about a Happy RE-New Year? How about using this time from Christmas to New Years to Re-New your body, mind, and spirit? The definition of renew is to make new or as if new again. Wouldn’t it be great to begin the New Year feeling refreshed, enthusiastic, healthy, and ready to begin 2007 with a strong start? Here are some REnewal tips:

REflect: Take a few minutes to write down some of the landmark events, discoveries, or actions of 2006. How are you different today than you were at the start of the year? What are you proud of? Where in your life are you fully being yourself, and how does that feel? Where in your life are you NOT being yourself or holding back? What is the effect of that? This is a really important step in the renewal process because it helps you get in touch with who you have been and have become throughout the year.

REjoice: What are you grateful for? What have been the blessings during the last year? What have been the challenges that you didn’t appreciate at the time, but now you see how those helped you grow or created new opportunities? What can you appreciate most about yourself? Just as I suggested you write down your reflections, I suggest you write out your gratitude. It gives that feeling more substance and meaning when you write it.

REevaluate: What went well in 206? Make a list of at least 20 things that went well in 2006. How could you carry that success and momentum into 2007? What didn’t work so well? How did you respond? What could you do differently to achieve that desired outcome? How do YOU need to grow or change to create the results you want? I find that people don’t focus enough on success (which can help them create more of it!), and they focus too much on what they didn’t do (which makes them feel ineffective) or what didn’t work out as planned (which is really only feedback to use to move forward). So reevaluate 2006 with 80% of your focus on how you want to add to or create success, and only 20% on learning the lessons.

REkindle: What are you passionate about? What gives you energy and “juice” in life? How can you tap into that energy more fully in your life? What are 5 – 10 ways you can bring more passion and energy into your life? What would be different about you and your life if you could do that on a consistent basis?

REcharge: To be at our best, we have to periodically recharge, just like the rechargeable batteries that power our electronic gadgets. It’s important for us to recharge all four of our energy types: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Identify the activities that recharge you. My favorites are exercise, being out in nature, meditation, spending time with good friends, laughter, body work (such as massage), and the list goes on. The key is to know YOUR special strategies to recharge.

This is a great time of year. It’s often the time that we make a special point of connecting with those who matter most, or we more fully embrace spiritual practices, or we get out of our old patterns and do new things. However, it’s also important to take care of ourselves during this time so that we can get a strong start on 2007. I hope you’ll think about taking the time to renew, reflect, rejoice, reevaluate, rekindle, and recharge during the holidays. When you do, you’ll really be ready for the New Year!

Be Elite - Part 4

COACH KAREN — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 12:41:00 GMT

"Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put into practical use." Unknown

"Seek freedom and become a captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty."
Frank Herbert

In this issue we continue to look at what makes an "elite performance mindset" as discussed in a study conducted by Dr. Ray Metcalfe. In researching "elite performers," (those in the top 5% of their profession), Dr. Metcalfe found that elite performers have six strengths present, which allow them to perform at an exceptional level. These strengths are:

** Elite performers think well
** Elite performers are bold
** Elite performers bounce back
** Elite performers have strong interpersonal skills
** Elite performers are practical
** Elite performers are disciplined.

Please see the earlier issues on this blog for Parts 1, 2, and 3. This issue looks at the last two qualities of an elite performance mindset: being practical and being disciplined.

The quality of being practical the ability to take ideas and apply them in a realistic way. It includes the willingness to try new things, as well as the ability to let go of what isn't working. My view is that the more ways you can think of to accomplish something, the more likely it is that you will succeed. I find that people often have just one or two ways to do something. If those ways don't work, it leads to frustration or just abandoning the idea completely. Being willing to do some creative problem solving, trying different things, and willingness to let go of one way in favor of something else can make the difference between success and "failure." To me, being practical is also the quality of living by one's own standards for what is "practical." Elite performers aren't likely to allow others to tell them what can and can't be done - they live by their own standards and expectations. Was Thomas Edison "practical" when he continued to try hundreds of new ways to invent the light bulb? I imagine many people at the time said he wasn't. But Edison lived by his own standard of what was practical, and through his continued efforts, changed the world. Some tips for being "practical" are:

1) Ask yourself "how can I" or "how else can I" questions. Believing that there is an answer that just needs to be discovered can keep you moving.

2) Brainstorm. Brainstorming means coming up with any idea, no matter how impractical, and writing it down. Invite others to help you brainstorm. Remove the limits of practicality until you've created a list of several options. THEN begin to ask "how could I do this" questions. How many times have we heard that something couldn't be done, and then before long, someone did it?

3) Redefine success and failure. Thomas Edison is quoted as saying, during his attempts to build a light bulb, "We now know a thousand ways not to build a light bulb." Success for him was learning yet another way NOT to build the light bulb.

Regarding the quality of being disciplined, Dr. Metcalf found that elite performers planned their activities carefully and then followed their plan. What could be more simple?! I think discipline has a bad rap. For many people, "discipline" has negative associations. As kids, we are "disciplined" when we don't follow the rules and need to be punished. Then, as we get older, discipline means studying, or practicing an instrument, or doing chores, rather than hanging out with friends. By the time we reach adulthood, many of us don't want to have anything to do with discipline. Yet discipline is actually freeing, rather than constraining. It helps to remove the sense of inertia and the mental battles of what you "must" do versus what you "want" to do. If you want to change the results in your life, streamline your focus and energy, and be more disciplined, here are some tips:

1) Change your definition of discipline. When I discovered my own very negative association with discipline, I asked myself 1) What can being more disciplined do for me? and 2) How can I create my own style of discipline? I decided my particular style of discipline would be joyful and creative (no, those don't have to be a contradiction in terms with discipline!). Once I was associated to the value and the pleasure of discipline, it became much easier.

2) Remember a time you created a plan and followed it through to completion. How did that feel? What were the results? Now think of something you wanted and you didn't create a plan, or you didn't follow through. How did that work for you? In your experience, which way works best for YOU? (And yes, I realize that's a loaded question!)

3) Start small and build. As you can tell from my story, embracing the power of discipline is still pretty new to me. So I implemented a "Joy of Daily Discipline" routine in the morning. I made a list of the little things I want to do each morning as a ritual. It significantly increased my success rate for expressing discipline.

4) Get a support system. Use your calendar to schedule your commitments to yourself. Ask someone to hold you accountable to follow your plan until it becomes more natural for you. Give yourself rewards for success, pain for not following through, and celebrations all along the way.

5) Be patient and assess. If this is a new process for you, recognize that you won't be perfect at it. Don't create excuses to abandon your plan. Instead, assess what is working well (build on that success) and where the challenges are. Seek ways to leverage the success and find alternatives for what isn't working.

6) Make "I am disciplined" part of your identity. Throw out your old language of "oh, I'm just not good at that" and create a more empowering identity for yourself. Remind yourself, "I follow through," or "I'm great about sticking to my plan no matter what." The more you view yourself as disciplined, a planner, and someone who follows through, the easier and more natural the process will be.

Discipline is truly a key to success for everyone. Contrary to the perception of many people, discipline reduces struggle and amplifies results. You ARE capable of being disciplined, no matter what your past experience has been!

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You now have the keys to being elite: think well, be bold, bounce back, relate well to others, be practical, and be disciplined. Based on Dr. Metcalfe's research, these qualities contribute to an "elite performance mindset" that helps people achieve exceptional results, no matter what their background or profession. Over the course of this series, what have you learned about yourself? How are you becoming like that top 5% of performers, the elite ones that have the greatest success? Remember that elite performers demonstrate all six of these qualities. In which area would YOU like to improve to be elite?

Be Elite Part 3

COACH KAREN — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 17:09:00 GMT

In the last two issues of The Spark we looked at a recent study which identified what differentiates the “elite performers” from the “also-rans.” The study, conducted by Dr. Ray Metcalfe (metcalfassociates@sympatico.ca), found that elite performers have six strengths to create an “elite performance mindset.” All six strengths must be present for elite performance. Over several issues of The Spark I will talk about the six strengths that Dr. Metcalfe identified as the “elite performance mindset.” In each issue I’ll provide tips to help you create your own elite performance mindset. At the end of the series, I would love to get your feedback on whether your “score” for how you are performing in your life has changed as a result. The six strengths are:

** Elite performers think well

** Elite performers are bold

** Elite performers bounce back

** Elite performers have strong interpersonal skills

** Elite performers are practical

** Elite performers are disciplined.

If you missed Part 1 or Part 2 which explored the first three characteristics, please email me at coachkaren@comcast.net. In this issue of The Spark we’ll look at the next two qualities: having strong interpersonal skills and being practical.

True success in business is about successful relationships. Dr. Metcalfe found that elite performers were approachable, conntected well with others, and showed a genuine interest in others. Although not all elite performers would be described as “people people,” they all had these characteristics. This is consistent with Daniel Goleman’s work on Emotional Intelligence. Goleman discovered that EQ (emotional intelligence), the way one manages emotions in relationship with self and others, is a better predictor of business success than IQ (intellect). If you want to strengthen your interpersonal skills, here are some tips:

· Take responsibility for your emotional responses and your relationship with others. If you tend to react to certain situations or people, embrace the opportunity to grow and better understand your triggers and indentify some alternative responses.

· Break old patterns of how you perceive the world around you. If you perceive that when something goes wrong the “world is out to get you,” you will understandably have a different response than thinking sometimes challenges happen to good people.

· Be “other” focused. Make a point of sincerely asking others about themselves, listening to the answer, and responding in a way that is about THEM, not you. People know when you’re really interested, and respond in amazing ways. An example of this is Southwest Airlines. In researching customer service complaints they discovered that virtually every complaint could be traced to a “self” focused employee, rather than an “other” focused employee. They began using “other focus” as a hiring factor for their staff.

· Express appreciation. How often do you say “thank you,” or “you matter” to the people around you? We all want to feel special and appreciated, and it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.

What is one thing that could help you to connect more strongly with others?

The next characteristic on the list is: elite performers are practical. This quality is the ability to take ideas and make them practical. It includes the willingness to try new things, as well as the ability to let go of what isn’t working. My view is that the more ways you can think of to accomplish something, the more likely it is that you will succeed. I find that people often have just one or two ways to do something. If those ways don’t work, it leads to frustration or just abandoning the idea completely. Willingness to do some creative problem solving, try different things, and let go of one way in favor of something else, can make the difference between success and “failure.” Some tips for being “practical” are:

· Ask yourself “how can I” or “how else can I” questions. Believing that there is an answer that just needs to be discovered can keep you moving.

· Brainstorm. Brainstorming means coming up with any idea, no matter how impractical, and writing it down. Invite others to help you brainstorm. Remove the limits of practicality until you’ve created a list of several options. THEN begin to ask “how could I do this” questions. How many times have we heard that something couldn’t be done, and then before long, someone did it?

· Redefine success and failure. Thomas Edison is quoted as saying, during his attempts to build a light bulb, “We now know a thousand ways not to build a light bulb.” Success for him was learning yet another way NOT to build the light bulb.

How can you put your ideas to work in better and more effective ways?

Be Elite Part 2

COACH KAREN — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:00:00 GMT

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt

"I have found that I always learn more from my mistakes than from my successes. If you aren't making some mistakes, you aren't taking enough chances." John Sculley

How well are you performing in your daily life? Are you just getting by, or are you performing fully at your capability? Are you focusing clearly on what is most important, accomplishing your goals, and getting the results YOU want in life? If your answer is “no” and you want to change the results you’re getting, there’s a simple answer. You can shift to an “elite mindset.” In the last issue of The Spark we looked at a recent study which identified what differentiates the “elite performers” from the “also-rans.” The study, conducted by Dr. Ray Metcalfe (metcalfassociates@sympatico.ca), found that elite performers have six strengths to create an “elite performance mindset.” All six strengths must be present for elite performance. Over several issues of The Spark I will talk about the six strengths that Dr. Metcalfe identified as the “elite performance mindset.” In each issue I’ll provide tips to help you create your own elite performance mindset. At the end of the series, I would love to get your feedback on whether your “score” for how you are performing in your life has changed as a result. The six strengths are:

Elite performers think well
Elite performers are bold
Elite performers bounce back
Elite performers have strong interpersonal skills
Elite performers are practical
Elite performers are disciplined

See Part 1 which explores the first characteristic, “elite performers think well.” In this issue we’ll look at the next two characteristics, being bold and bouncing back.

Dr. Metcalf described “bold” performers as those tending to be confident, persuasive, and displaying a higher than average level of energy. Are you the kind of person who welcomes new challenges, or do you stay safely in your comfort zone? Do you seek to engage others and create rapport, or do you wait for others come to you? Do you greet life with enthusiasm and energy, or do you sit back and see what happens? The preferred answers seem obvious, yet it’s so easy to fall into a rut of being in the safe zone. If you want to change the results in your life and be more bold, here are some tips:

Focus on your strengths. Confidence and boldness come from knowing what you do well and leveraging that talent. Conversely, find ways to hedge any weaknesses that impact your confidence. That doesn’t necessarily mean to improve your weaknesses – it means to do what you can to minimize their impact.
Remind yourself of past successes, and see them as a true reflection of who you are. Often people identify more closely with their “failures” than with their successes, which diminishes confidence.
Start small and build. One of my favorite quotes is from Gayle Davis: “confidence is learned, cumulative, and based on experience.” Learn and practice being bold, just as you would learn and practice any other skill.
Get a support system. If there’s something you don’t feel bold enough to do on your own, get support to take action.
Take care of your body to keep your energy level high. Be aware of what creates energy for you, and what steals energy. Just as your car needs energy to get you where you want to go, so do you!
See yourself as bold! What you think about yourself really does matter! What would you do if you were bold?

The next characteristic on the list is: elite performers bounce back. This quality involves emotional resilience - the ability to persevere during difficult times, or to get back into the game after major setbacks. Many of the suggestions above for boldness also apply to resilience, such as focusing on your strengths, having a strong support system, and taking care of your body. Some additional tips are:

Put things in perspective. If your tendency is to “catastophize” what is happening, take a mental step back and get a new perspective on the situation.
Know why it’s important to move forward, no matter what. I notice that the greater a person’s commitment to something (a goal, a way of being, etc.) the greater their resilience in reaching that objective.
Choose to have a “thriver’s” attitude. In his book The Beethoven Factor, Dr. Paul Pearsall studied those who survived through trauma (such as serious illness) and those who thrived. The biggest factor in bouncing back even stronger than before? Attitude! What would you do if you couldn’t “fail?”

Be Elite Part 1

COACH KAREN — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 04:52:00 GMT

“All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work.” Thomas Watson (founder of IBM)

“We think too small. Like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is ony as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.” Mao Tse Tung

“Too often we . . . enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” John F. Kennedy

How well are you performing in your daily life? Are you just getting by, or are you performing fully at your capability? When you answer that question, be honest, but not critical. Are you focusing clearly on what is most important, accomplishing your goals, and getting the results YOU want in life? If your answer is “no” and you want to change the results you’re getting in your life, there’s a simple answer. You can shift to an “elite mindset” to get different results.

I realize that changing your mindset to change your results sounds obvious, and we all know this. Yet we often get stuck in the rut of thinking, behaving, and choosing the same way every day. Many people believe that to create better results they have to work harder, or become ruthless and demanding, or to get lucky. Well, here’s some evidence that there’s a better way. A recent study analyzed what differentiates the “elite performers” from the “also-rans.” The study, conducted by Dr. Ray Metcalfe (metcalfassociates@sympatico.ca), analyzed over 15,000 elite performers throughout North America. Elite performers were defined as those in the top 5% of their group (e.g., industry or profession). The study found that elite performers have six strengths to create an “elite performance mindset.” All six strengths must be present for elite performance; when all six are present, there is a “particular way of thinking, processing, and behaving that produces a balanced mind, clarity of vision, and high-end results.” The best news of all? An elite performance mindset can be developed! If you want different results in your life, be elite!

In the next several issues of The Spark I will talk about the six strengths that Dr. Metcalfe identified as the “elite performance mindset.” At the end of the series, I would love to get your feedback on whether your “score” for how you are performing in your life has changed as a result. The six strengths are:

Elite performers think well
Elite performers are bold
Elite performers bounce back
Elite performers are disciplined
Elite performers have strong interpersonal skills
Elite performers are practical

As you can see, there’s nothing inherently “hard” or “ruthless” or “lucky” about these strengths. They do, however, require intentional thought and action. Today we’ll look at the first in the list, “thinking well.”

Thinking well doesn’t mean you have to be intelligent. It means thinking clearly and focusing. I know people who are brilliant in their work, but don’t apply that same focus and clarity to their personal situation. And I know there’s a tendency to label certain elements of our thought process, such as “I’m just not good with numbers,” or “I must be ADD (attention deficit disorder),” to explain away the current thought process. It’s true that there are some very legitimate reasons why some people think and reason better than others. But we can all make a conscious choice to improve our thinking ability. When the quality of thinking improves, so do the results. Here are some tips:

Focus on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking has been accepted lately as the norm. But if you want to think clearly and reason well, focus.
Create an empowering mindset. Remind yourself that you DO think clearly and well. Throw out the old “why I can’t” stories and replace them with “how I can” ideas.
Create an environment that supports your thinking. Turn off the TV or other noise. If you find certain music helpful (studies have shows Mozart is helpful for some mental tasks), turn it on. Take some good, deep breaths to oxygenate your system.
Practice focusing. Meditate, do mind puzzles, or make a “game” of focusing very intently for some period of time. There is science behind this: studies show actual physical changes in the brain when people learn to meditate deeply.
Take care of your body to maximize your mind. If you’re unhealthy or fatigued your brain can’t be at its best. When I’m tired, my brain feels like mush, and there’s no chance I can be “elite.” Be aware of how your health habits affect your ability to think.
Assess. Periodically evaluate the results you’re getting and ask yourself what you need to change to get even more of the results you want. Continually challenge yourself to improve some aspect of your performance or capabilities.
Find your own way. Everyone has different abilities, and everyone has their way to maximize their abilities. Become aware of what YOU need to be able to think well.

Performing at the top of your game requires the right mindset. The good news is that an elite performance mindset can be learned. A first step in the process is to “think well.” Be aware of the quality of your thinking. What are the situations that present the greatest challenge for you? What are you currently doing that doesn’t serve you, such as not taking care of your body or allowing negative, self-defeating thoughts to fill your mind? Once you’re aware of what is blocking you from “thinking well,” consider what improvements you could make. What is one thing you could do to improve your thought process? How could you make this improvement a regular part of your thought process? I recently read a bumper sticker: “Don’t believe everything you think.” Good advice! Commit to a higher standard in your thinking, and be elite.

Taking A Sip From The Fire Hose

COACH KAREN — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 04:48:00 GMT

“The unconscious mind of man sees correctly even when conscious reason is blind and impotent.” Carl Jung

“We must realize that the subconscious mind is the law of action and always expresses what the conscious mind has impressed on it. What we regularly entertain in our mind creates the conception of self. What we conceive ourselves to be, we become.” Grace Speare

I’ve always liked the saying “it’s like drinking from a fire hose.” The fire hose is such a perfect metaphor for attempting to take in just a little bit when there’s way too much coming at you. I have times where it seems that just getting through the day in this busy, complex world can feel like being hit by that fire hose! Sometimes the local fire department practices with their hoses and ladders in the field behind my house. The fire hose shoots a thick plume of water almost the full length of a soccer field. Imagine trying to take a little sip of water from that hose!

Yet every second of every day we do just that. Psychologists estimate that, in the process of living our usual daily lives, our brains receive at least 2 million bits of information per second. That input bombards our bodies at all hours of the day and night. The conscious mind is only able to process 134 bits of information per second (I have days where that must be a very generous estimate!). So every second of every day, your brain is processing a “fire hose” of data, and filtering out all but a little sip to work with. However, the 1,999,866 bits of data NOT processed by the conscious mind are still processed by our very capable subconscious minds. A great example of this is your ability to drive your car to a familiar place safely and easily, yet remember nothing of the drive. Have you ever had one of those trips? Although your conscious mind was completely engaged in thinking about something else, obviously some other part of your brain was perceiving the traffic around you, controlling your eyes and body to operate the car, and making judgments about when and how to speed up, slow down, or turn. Something that took your full and absolute attention when you were first learning, now might not even register in the conscious mind!

In the book Blink, author Malcolm Gladwell describes experiments where people were able to make very quick decisions based on very little input, yet their “gut reaction” was always right. These experiments proved that we are amazingly observant about the body language, spoken language, and behavior of those around us. The subconscious can notice an eye roll of contempt that lasts only a fraction of a second. The conscious mind isn’t able to detect it, but the subconscious understands it, and the body responds accordingly. The brain is also always on the lookout for safety. So those times you get that “funny feeling” about a person, place, or activity, maybe your subconscious has noticed something that your conscious mind overlooked. The odds are very good (given the 2 million bits of information per second statistic) that an important clue was not picked up by your conscious mind.

The ability to filter so much data into a manageable amount is critical for operating in this complex world. But it also means we can miss a lot of very important data. Like that look of sadness in a loved ones eyes that you missed because your mind was busy elsewhere. Or the car accident that was preventable if someone had just been paying a bit more attention to the activities around him. Imagine, then, being better able to sip from that fire hose. Imagine being able to process more information, or choosing more carefully what to “sip” into your conscious mind. How can you hone your senses and your mind to invite a better quantity and quality of information into your conscious mind? Here are some tips:

Practice bringing your awareness to different elements of your environment. Feel the pressure of your shoe on your little toe, hear the quiet sounds around you (please turn off TVs, radios, MP3 players first!), look around for a particular color or shape until you find it, etc. This doesn’t need to take more than a few seconds, but it will help you learn to shift from the “rut” of the way you normally perceive your surroundings.
Focus on using other senses more deeply. Often when I’m on a coaching call I close my eyes so I can more fully hear the nuances of my client’s voice. Close your eyes and listen more carefully, or touch someone or something and really feel the texture. Use your sense of smell more intentionally. Simply using all your senses more fully “wakes up” different parts of the brain.
Listen to your “gut.” The book The Gift of Fear describes how our willingness to discount our gut reactions allows victims to be drawn into dangerous situations. The energy that we call the gut reaction can be a “good” energy (you’re attracted to someone or something for an “unknown” reason) or a “negative” energy (you feel fear or apprehension for an “unknown” reason). Neither is truly “good” or “bad,” it’s just the mind’s way of getting your attention. So practice paying attention to those feelings.
Use your conscious mind to ask the subconscious mind to watch out for something. Did you ever buy a new car or a new piece of clothing, thinking you were the ONLY person to have it? You would swear you had never seen anyone else with it. Yet as soon as you bought the item, EVERYONE around you seemed to have one, too? The item was always around, it just fell into that 1,999,866 bits of information that was ignored. Once your conscious mind told the subconscious, “hey, this is important,” it became one of the 134 that was observed. So through intention, you can ensure that your “sip” includes what you’re wanting from the fire hose.

Drinking from a fire hose of environmental input is just a fact of life. But you can be more intentional and effective about how you sip from that fire hose. You can be more present with and receptive to your environment, you can pay attention to how your body responds to the input, and you can intentionally choose what elements of your environment to invite into your conscious mind. Go ahead, have a sip!

Oh Say Can You See!

COACH KAREN — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 04:40:00 GMT

“All meaning and lasting change starts first in your imagination then works its way out.” Albert Einstein

“Imagination is stronger than knowledge – myth is more potent than history – dreams are more powerful than facts.” Robert Fulghum

America’s “Star Spangled Banner” was inspired by a vision that Frances Scott Key had after a British attack on Ft. McHenry. In the morning light he saw the American flag still flying. That sight inspired a sense of hope, and encouraged strength and persistence. Similarly, “America the Beautiful” was inspired by the view of the Colorado plains from the summit of Pikes Peak. From the top of that lofty peak it really does seem that you can see the entire nation!

It isn’t just writers who benefit from an inspiring vision. We can all do amazing things and persist in the face of adversity with the right vision. In honor of the 4th of July celebrations here in the U.S., and knowing that the foundation of this nation is the vision of a few independent, forward-thinking individuals, today’s Spark is about having a vision.

What is your vision for your life? What is the difference you would like to make in the world? How do you want to express yourself? Who do you want to be, and who do you want in your life?

For many years, my vision of my life was to make money doing something relatively enjoyable so that I could have a nice lifestyle. And that’s exactly what happened. It wasn’t really fulfilling, but it conformed to my vision very well! Several years ago, while I was still working at my corporate job and studying to become a coach, I did an exercise called “My Ideal Day” from Barbara Sher’s book Wishcraft. I wrote down a vision of going through the most wonderful day imaginable. The exercise asks you to describe the vision in as much detail as possible. My description was so far-fetched at the time that I felt silly writing down the details. My ideal day included flexibility, fun, a variety of tasks; in short, the complete opposite of the life I was living! Shortly after that I lost track of the piece of paper with the written exercise. However, about a year later, from my home office where I had begun to work, I realized I was living my Ideal Day! How did that happen?! It’s the power of vision.

What are the benefits of developing a vision for your life? A vision is the first step in the creation process. I’m convinced that writing my ideal day was the first and most important step in creating the reality.

Having a vision, a big picture of your future, helps you overcome the short-term challenges and distractions that life always throws at you. Creating a vision encourages you to imagine something bigger and more inspiring than what currently exists.

Focusing on a vision (the “what” of your future) distracts you from getting lost in how to make it happen. With a powerful-enough “what,” you will always figure out the “how.”

If I have convinced you of the importance of having a vision, the next question is how to do it. There are dozens of books and articles about the “best” way to create your vision. My advice: just start! From my own experience, the best thing was to just give myself permission to imagine having a life that would truly make me happy. And I can’t overstate the importance of writing it down! Make it okay to just start writing without needing to make it perfect, or feeling like you will have to live with it forever. Keep a child-like view of this activity. It’s absolutely fine to write one vision as an author living a secluded life one day, and the founder of a non-profit for a meaningful cause the next day. Kids are great about “trying on” different possibilities. We could take a tip from their example! The real key is to understand, by whatever means necessary, what will make you happy and fulfilled.

Another key element of successfully creating a vision for yourself is to avoid looking at how you’ll create the life you imagine. Too often I hear a client say, “I would love to do that!” and then immediately say, “but I can’t make a living at it.” At the moment I created my vision, I had no idea how to even begin. But once my mind had that exciting possibility anchored in it, the rest just became day-to-day choices. And finally, once you have an idea of your vision, find someone to support you unconditionally in that vision. You’ll have moments of doubt and distraction, and there’s nothing like having someone remind you, gently and lovingly, of what you know is your best future.

When it comes to imagining your wonderful, ideal future, “oh say, can you see?”

Here are some tips for creating the vision for your life:
Make the experience light and fun for yourself. Be in a great, positive state of mind (because that’s how you want to live the rest of your life, right?!)

Separate yourself as much as possible, both mentally and physically, from your current life conditions while imagining your future. You don’t want to be limited by today’s situation.

Be open to “trying on” new ideas, and not limit yourself to only the “practical” choices.

Give yourself permission to imagine the things that will make you happy and fulfilled.

Write down your vision(s) and (unlike me!) keep it in front of you as a reminder.

When creating your vision, focus on what you want, not on how. Trust that once you know what you want, how to make it happen will be revealed.

Find someone to support you unconditionally in your new vision. This means they believe in you and your vision, they encourage your actions, and they hold that vision for you even when you get discouraged.

Just Celebrate It

COACH KAREN — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 04:33:00 GMT

“ The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” Oprah Winfrey “A desire to be observed, considered, esteemed, praised, beloved, and admired by his fellows is one of the earliest as well as the keenest dispositions discovered in the heart of man.” John Adams When you were a kid, what did you celebrate? If you were like most children, your birthday was a highlight of the year. You celebrated the last day of school, growing another inch, beating your big brother or sister at something. The simplest accomplishments became cause for celebration: the first bike ride without training wheels or your first jump into the deep end of a pool. If you’re a parent, you love celebrating your child’s accomplishments and growth. And those celebrations are personal – an accomplishment or discovery, rather than a simple event or acquisition.

Then we become young adults and the celebrations slow down: college graduation, the first big job or promotion, marriage, children, buying the first house. It starts to take a lot to generate a real celebration. In my corporate job, every “atta girl!” seemed to be followed by “and now we’ll expect even MORE next year!” Is it really a celebration if there are strings attached? It sure didn’t seem that way to me. I notice that many people celebrate vicariously through others: a child, a staff member, a friend, a favorite sports team. Celebrating someone else takes the place of celebrating ourselves. For many of us, an attitude of personal celebration becomes diluted by time, or tempered by skepticism or weariness.

As I was thinking about the topic of celebration, I realized that the amount you celebrate is a reflection of the vitality of your life, much like an EKG (electrocardiogram) is a reflection of the vitality of your heart. A vibrant, active person’s EKG is an animated bristle of lines. A tired, lethargic person’s EKG has languid, shallower lines. And, of course, a dead person’s EKG is a flat line. If the level of celebration currently in your life were plotted like an EKG, would you be vibrant, lethargic, or dead?! Is there abundant energy and enthusiasm for what is happening in your life, or only enough energy to plod through your day? What if your life were more joyous, confident, energized, and appreciative? That’s the effect that celebration can have! In the book, The Beethoven Factor, author Dr. Paul Pearsall reports that our attitude is the largest contributing factor to the ability to thrive through adversity. An attitude of gratitude and celebration propels us through even the toughest of circumstances.

It’s not hard to return to an attitude of celebration to enliven your world. Kids do it naturally, so you can learn from them. Look for ways to celebrate who you are, what you have done in your life, what you have learned, or the way you enhance the lives of others. I believe that celebration is so important that I begin virtually every coaching call with a celebration. For some clients, it’s the hardest question I ask! People are always prepared with a list of what they haven’t done or where they wish they had better results. Because it isn’t encouraged in our society, shifting to a focus of success and accomplishment can seem a little awkward and forced, initially. Like the Nike slogan of “just do it,” though, you can choose to “just celebrate it!” When you choose to celebrate, so much changes. I think it adds the following elements to your life:
Joy: Celebrating what’s good in your life allows you to let go of the struggle and be in a place of happiness. It taps into the anchors of joy and celebration we had as kids, when celebrating was a more natural process. And because what you focus on expands, focusing on joyful celebration helps to create more of the same.
Confidence: Celebrating your success reminds you of your strengths, accomplishments, progress, and perseverance. The more of these kinds of celebrations, the more you are reminded what an amazing individual you are.
Energy: Who doesn’t feel better when celebrating? The physiology of celebration – as simple as arms lifted overhead, smiling, and letting out a big “whoo hoo!” – heightens your energy level. Even athletes finished the most arduous races are re-energized when they celebrate their completion.
Self-esteem: To value who you are and what you mean to the world, it’s important to know yourself, know your accomplishments and talents, and know and appreciate the effect you are having on others. Celebration is a way to focus in precisely those areas so you can have strong self-esteem.

What is the first step to “just celebrate it?” It’s easy: make a point of celebrating something every day. Celebrate what goes well, and what doesn’t go so well. Celebrate your thoughts, words, actions and results. Remind yourself to ask the following question multiple times a day: “What can I celebrate now?” Don’t put it off any longer, waiting for the perfect opportunity. Energize your life’s EKG with a little celebration. Just celebrate it!

Overwhelmed!

COACH KAREN — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:35:00 GMT

“Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them.” Og Mandino

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” Mark Twain

Overwhelmed! The most frequent use of the word used to be describing one military force overcoming another. Now, overwhelm is a feeling that seems a daily condition for many people. Often my clients describe that feeling of “too many things coming at me” or being “frozen with indecision.” And even with plenty of coaching tools at my disposal, I admit to having that feeling sometimes too! It’s a fact of modern day life that everything seems to be moving faster, there are too many choices, and we face ever-increasing demands for more knowledge and capabilities. Of course we’re going to feel that it’s impossible to keep up sometimes!

The book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell provides a fabulous example of overwhelm. In a psychological experiment, researchers gave subjects six jam samples to rate. With just six choices, the subjects rated the jams almost exactly as professional taste testers rated them. However, when given 20 jams to rate, those same subjects did a terrible job. Too much input prevented the subjects from being able to execute good judgment on something as simple as rating the quality of jelly. Did you ever walk into a store thinking you knew what you wanted, but after seeing all the options and information associated with each, you just felt confused and frustrated? As amazing as our human brains are, it seems that once we try to deal with too many factors at once, our decision making and logic capabilities short-circuit and we’re in what our society now calls “overwhelm.” No, it’s not just you; virtually all of us are experiencing some form of this phenomenon.

Unfortunately, being in overwhelm doesn’t serve us. As demonstrated by the jam experiment, when we’re in that state of overwhelm our decision-making capabilities are not their best. At a time when we most need to make good choices about what to do next, or how to handle a situation, the sensation of overwhelm actually interferes with our ability to do so. There are things you can do to put yourself back in control when that sensation of overwhelm strikes. The next time you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, try one or two of these tips:

Write: Most people can mentally manage 5 – 7 pieces of data at once. Think about trying to remember a phone number. Most of us can, with concentration, remember a 7-digit phone number long enough to dial it. But most of us can’t remember a 10-digit phone number. A great first step when you feel overwhelmed is to write down the key things that you’re keeping track of in that moment. Although we all have hundreds of things we want to do, I find that when I do this exercise with clients, they generally have about 10 things that they are actively trying to manage. Taking the list out of your head and putting it on to paper frees your mental processing to evaluate, prioritize, and make better decisions. The more you do this, and the more you build the trust with yourself to write out the list and take good action, the faster you’ll exit that feeling of overwhelm.

Refocus: When a camera is focused in too closely on its subject, everything else in the frame blurs out of focus. Overwhelm can be like that camera that is focused too closely. When you “pan out” to bring the bigger picture into focus, that broader perspective can be helpful in resolving your overwhelm. Ask yourself questions like, “What is another way to look at this?” or “What’s the part that I’m NOT seeing that would help make sense of this?” A simple reframe of being grateful for many opportunities instead of being attacked by problems can shift your focus. Or consider getting someone else’s perspective to help you refocus.

Unwind: If you spin your body around in circles several times quickly you’ll make yourself dizzy and confused. The same is true when your mind spins in circles around the things that cause your overwhelm. Repeatedly going over and over the same pattern of thinking has the effect of making you dizzy and wondering which way is “up,” just like physical dizziness. And when your spinning includes things you can’t do anything about, such as regrets about the past or fears about the future, the sense of confusion and hopelessness increases because there’s no answer. Unwinding to reduce overwhelm means first breaking the mental spinning process (writing, as described above, can be one way). Second, it means looking at what caused you to go into spin in the first place (what part did the trigger play in your overwhelm?). And third, “unwind” mentally by relaxing, thinking about something affirming for a few minutes, moving your body for a livelier mental condition, or getting some rest to return to the mental challenge more refreshed.

Just because you live in today’s busy, fast-paced world doesn’t mean you have to be at the mercy of overwhelm. When that sensation of overwhelm begins, choose to write, refocus, or unwind so you can keep functioning at your best.

Making Fear Your Friend

COACH KAREN — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:30:00 GMT

“We can’t escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures; it is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot.” Susan Jeffers

What are you afraid of? Every creature on earth has a built-in fear mechanism, and humans are no different. However, unlike most other animals, humans have many different fears. Some people are terrified of high places, snakes, or public speaking, while others jump out of airplanes, have snakes as pets, or speak for a living. Regardless of your unique fears however, you share two fears with all other human beings: the fears of not being loved and not being enough. Whether you’re a President, a performer, or a pauper, you have these core fears. The real difference between us is how we handle those fears.

Several years ago I was on a teleclass with Cheryl Richardson, a wonderful author and coach. She suggested that when you have fear, you need facts, friends, and faith. This issue of The Spark looks at overcoming fear with facts, friends, faith, and a fourth element I’ll add: focus. The fear I’m referring to in this newsletter is the type of fear called False Evidence Appearing Real. This is the type of fear that doesn’t pose any immediate threat, yet it makes you anxious or unable to progress forward the way you want. What are you afraid of? What fears keep you from pursuing your dreams, or having the life you deserve? What if you could turn those fears into friends? What if fears didn’t stop you, but rather encouraged you to grow, to get stronger, and to expand your network of support? What would your life be like if you could change fear from an obstacle into an ally?

The first step in transforming fear into a friend is Focus. Focus is used to manage fear in three different ways. First, use focus to acknowledge and understand your “fear.” Often, because we don’t like the physical and mental sensations of fear, we avoid any situation that would cause the sensation. If you continually avoid fear, you’ll never turn it into your friend. So first, let that fear be present in your body. Once you do that, you’ll notice that it can be manageable. And often the feelings of fear and excitement are very similar; increased heart rate, faster breathing, sweating palms are all symptoms of both fear and excitement. So the second part of focus is to consider renaming or reframing “fear.” What if you were “excited” or “enthusiastic,” rather than “fearful?” When I first began coaching I defined my success as turning self-doubt into excitement. Every time I became nervous or fearful about doing something to build my business, I reminded myself that I was just excited about the possibilities. Reframing the sensation from fear to excitement allowed me to take action with more fun and less worry. And third, focus is about choosing to concentrate on opportunities and positive possibilities, rather than concentrating on what could go wrong downplaying your talents. Focusing on “how you can” do something rather than “why you can’t” will reduce those feelings of fear.

The second step in transforming fear into a friend is facts. I know people who believe that one “failure” or misstep will have them homeless and living under a bridge. The facts don’t support that assumption, but fear often keeps us from looking at the facts. The next time fear has you stuck, look at the facts. Ask yourself some questions to explore reality. For example, you could ask: “What’s the worst that could happen?” When your mind comes up with the living-under-a-bridge scenario, ask what would have to happen (with your finances, skill set, support network, etc.) to become homeless. And what are the real chances of that scenario happening? Continue to ask yourself those types of questions about the best-case scenario, the most likely scenario, and other possible scenarios. Gather facts about the situation, your options, available resources, anything that is relevant for your situation. The more you allow yourself to look at the facts as well as the reasonable possibilities, the more you can use fear as a warning signal rather than a blockade.

The third step in transforming fear is friends. Studies show that the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety are reduced by as much as half when we can share our concerns with others. People with a strong support network are healthier and happier than those without a supportive network. Often verbalizing fears to another immediately diminishes the fear. I compare it to the monster in the closet you imagined as a kid. While fear is in the dark closet of your mind, it is large, powerful, and intimidating. Once you turn on the light and share it with another, the fear often seems almost silly.

The fourth and final step in transforming fear into a friend is faith. Faith is the opposite of facts described above. Faith is a trust on one or more levels. First, you can have spiritual faith in a higher force or presence. Placing your trust in that force allows you to release your personal attachment to the fear. Second, you can have faith in the bigger picture of the situation. You can remind yourself that these situations have always turned out well for you, and so project your confidence in the same into the future. And third, you can trust and have faith in yourself. Stepping into the full power and potential of who you are and what you stand for can remind you that fear is fleeting, but you are steadfast. A quote by Patrick Overton sums up faith: “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.” That’s using faith to make a friend of fear.

Often the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your fear. Learn to make fear your friend, and take it along with you on the journey to achieving your dreams.